How to Write Non-Fiction: The day a non-fiction book changed my life

Before we move into the next part of the book, which is focused on writing and editing, I want to return to the question of why we write. We write to change lives — our own and other people’s.

There are moments where a decision changes everything. That moment may be out of our control, or it may be a conscious choice, but when life forks, the opposite path becomes the road not taken, a parallel life.

Here’s how a non-fiction book helped me make an important life decision.

Bali, 2008

I tucked a frangipani flower behind my ear and lay back on the recliner, looking up at the blue sky. The air smelled of jacaranda and lime leaf. Birds sang in the palm trees and in the distance, I could hear the putt-putt of local scooters.

Jonathan swam in the hotel pool in front of me, his strokes making a light splash as he moved through the water. We’d been out walking along the waterfront earlier, looking out across the ocean where we planned to scuba dive later in the week. For now, we relaxed by the pool with a cocktail as the bright day turned to a balmy evening.

Our week in Bali was a late honeymoon after our wedding in Australia, attended by our international family. It was also a turning point for me.

I was planning to come off my contraceptive pill on this trip. I was thirty-three, and we’d talked about starting a family.

We had a house with extra bedrooms. We had stable jobs. And now, we were in paradise… so why was I hesitating?

I pushed my concerns aside and picked up the book I’d found at the airport: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Everyone was talking about it, and the story was partially set in Ubud, a town in the hills north from where we were currently staying. I started to read, and in the next ten minutes, my life changed as I read the words of her opening chapter.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about what my sister had said to me once, as she was breast-feeding her firstborn: ‘Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it’s what you want before you commit.’”

Elizabeth talked about her excitement at future travel, and that if she couldn’t be as excited about having a baby as she was about booking her next trip, then she really shouldn’t be having one.

I put the book down, even though I was only a few pages in. I recognised myself in those words, and it shocked me.

I looked over at Jonathan in the pool, calmly swimming lengths, and wondered if our new marriage would survive the conversation we desperately needed to have.

* * *

Whatever your feelings about having children, I hope you can respect my choice — and my husband’s. The subsequent conversation revealed that we both felt the same way. We had just assumed the other one was so sure that considering a different path wasn’t possible.

All these years later, we’re still happily married and happily child-free — by choice.

This is not a discussion on the pros and cons of having children. It’s about the importance of sharing your story and writing a book to help yourself, which may also help others.

Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir shared the truth of her life and it connected with me across time and space. Her words resonated deep inside and gave me permission to acknowledge what I thought was taboo.

I don’t know why I needed permission, but I did. I’m a good girl, always have been. I want people to like me. I want approval. I wanted to be the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect daughter-in-law, the perfect mother. By actively making the decision to be child-free, I would be none of those things.

But I would be living the life of my choice.

Since sharing that personal story in the first edition of this book, and also on my podcast, many women have emailed to tell me that I have given them permission to make a similar decision. I was hesitant to share it originally for fear of judgment, but in the end, passing on the life lesson helped others as it helped me.

So, please don’t write yet another book filled only with prescriptive how-to information. Write your story and share the depths of your emotional journey.

It might change your life and touch the hearts of those who desperately need to hear it.